Bringing deep felt connection to your relationship
“Beyond the right of one and the right of the other is a field where you can meet.” – Rumi –
We all have relationships in our lives. With your partner, your children, colleagues at work and so on. Less often do we realize that we have a relationship with our entire environment. This is most evident when we think about the relationship with our work. And even less often we pay attention to the relationship that we have with ourself, such as what you do with your dreams and ideas.
Relationships are therefore sometimes about how you relate to what is outside yourself, with your partner for example. And sometimes it’s about how you relate to what is on the inside, so how you relate to yourself.
A special relationship
Your relationship with your partner is a very special one. Probably nobody may know you better than your partner knows you. Sometimes even better than you know yourself. You can feel seen and appreciated by your partner. And often you have been together for quite some time, perhaps with children. You have built a whole life together.
However sometimes things really aren’t going so well between you. And if things aren’t going well, it can also be very annoying to be known so well, especially in your vulnerability. Sometimes you close yourself off in advance, or your neck hairs are standing on the first problem that shows up. While you still want to continue with each other, a solution has not yet shown itself.
Desiring for a happy relationship
Whether the relationship with your partner brings satisfaction largely depends on how you and your partner handle that relationship. And that is often determined by your beliefs and values, and the habits you have developed. Beliefs about how and what a relationship should entail are also very dependent on past experiences. Through those experiences you have built up a certain way of doing things. You often judge and act on the patterns you have learned. Also in the relationship that you now have with your partner.
Past experiences and repeating patterns
Most of the time, we are unaware of the beliefs and patterns that underlie our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behavior. And because you are not aware of them, they unnoticeably exert a major influence on how you behave in your relationship, and whether it brings you much or little satisfaction.
The beliefs and patterns that can get in the way are usually built from unpleasant or even sometimes traumatic experiences in past relationships. This could include experiences that you or your partner have had with one or both of your parents, but could also be with a teacher or someone else. Unnoticed, those old patterns can cause you to keep running into the same pain points in new relationships, or that a certain pattern in your relationship keeps repeating itself. You often only notice it when you start arguing more and more and go through life stressed.
In the first session we explore your relationship together. What do you think is going on and what do you want to achieve with relationship coaching? It is important that you want to achieve the same with relationship coaching, so we not only look at the problems that exist but also at your options.
Sometimes we work in longer sessions of several hours, sometimes we work in shorter consecutive sessions. Entirely dependent on your needs and what the relational process requires.
Points for attention in our sessions
As a relationship coach I pay attention to the following aspects:
- Who are you and who is the other person for you in your relationship?
- How do you communicate? How do you want to communicate?
- Do you really listen to each other?
- What do you think is important in your relationship? What’s Essential?
- What Does Intimacy Mean?
- What is shown in the relationship? How do you deal with irritation or frustration? What emerges when there is disagreement?
- What old behaviors from the past show themselves in your relationship? Do you suffer from that?
- Can you (still) dream together? What desire is there in your relationship?
Relationship Coach Locations
I work from Amsterdam, Utrecht, Leiden, Bussum, Eemnes, Bilthoven and Arnhem, Velp or Nijmegen. However, if there is a suitable one in your area, we can also meet there. We always work from a great coach location!